• The Art of Being Alone

    Posted on March 31st, 2011 by and currently 8 commenting.

    Welcome to a world where the only places a person “checks in” are hotel lobbies and airports. A place where badges are earned by police detectives and boy scouts. The birds here are not angry, and they not only tweet, but chirp. When we have a conversation, we speak in as many characters as we like. When we like something, we say so by smiling. We still think poking is terribly rude.

    It began with a simple e-mail.

    “Dear friends,

    Hope this e-mail finds you well. This message is just to advise you that after some introspection, I have decided to begin a social media fast of undetermined length. I welcome you to call me at 614-555-5555 any time.”

    Cheers!”

    And just like that, a page was torn out of FaceBook, Flickr was flicked off and one little corner of the Twittersphere went black. The plug had been pulled on social media.

    Left with no choice, I did the unthinkable – I picked up the phone and dialed. Once I had adequately chastised his hasty departure from the social media social scene, I pressed my friend for the details of his self-imposed hiatus.

    The rationale was quite simple: He wanted to spend more time focusing on the real social connections in his life. He wanted to spend less time on Facebook and more time with faces and books.

    My inner social media lover immediately began seeking a loophole in his logic. As someone who avidly uses Skype, Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch with family and friends, I think there is an argument to be made that social media can strengthen real social connections in our lives if we’re committed to using to do so, but is it ultimately at the detriment of those relationships in real time? Does it matter how many adoring Facebook message you’ve left on a friend’s wall if you’re distracted by text messages and tweets when you finally get the chance to sit down to dinner together?

    Is social media becoming an insecurity blanket we carry with us everywhere we go?

    Curious, I set forth on a mission to read up on other people’s motivations for going off the grid. What I discovered is that they missed the late night backyard conversations. They missed the simple pleasure of chatting over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with a friend. They missed taking time out to slow down on a Sunday and meet up for brunch. Story after story, what I heard is that by chattering with everyone online, people felt like they were connecting with no one offline, including themselves.

    Last weekend a woman pulled up beside me at stoplight. She immediately pulled out her iPhone and began typing. I don’t know if she was tweeting or texting or checking in at “stuck in traffic” on FourSquare, but it struck me as truly ridiculous. On a beautiful Sunday afternoon, was the thought of 60 seconds spent enjoying the solitude and quiet of her own good company really so daunting?

    I stumbled across an awesome video this week called “How to Be Alone,” an art many of us have forgotten – and some of us have never learned. It’s a testament to the value of being present in our lives – with others and with ourselves.

    90% of Word of Mouth happens offline, because life happens offline. Get to know the people you love offline. Get to know yourself offline. Practice pulling the plug on your online life now and then in order to plug into the people, memories, conversations and moments that are your one and only real life.

    My wish for you this weekend? A little alone time, a little offline time, more faces and books.

  • http://www.fullcirclepr.com Liza Jones

    Amy, great post. I absolutely believe that social media has become my insecurity blanket. Case in point. I went to a trade show recently in Salt Lake City. I was meeting some business colleagues at a restaurant for dinner. As I left my hotel room, I made a conscious decision NOT to take my smartphone with me (gasp). I wanted to just try a little experiment.

    I arrived at the restaurant about 10 minutes early and sat at the table to wait on my friends. I looked around. Everyone around me was frantically flipping and typing on their phones — while they were supposed to be enjoying dinner with one another. (Granted, most of these people were probably work associates as well, but still).

    How did I feel? Uncomfortable. I felt like I was missing something not having my phone to look at during the 10 extra minutes I had to myself. I felt exposed, like people were looking at me funny (which they weren’t, they were too busy on their own phones).

    I’ve challenged myself to go “phone-less” more often. I think, “But what if there’s an emergency and someone needs to reach me?” It’s a risk I’m going to try and take from time to time. Wish me luck.

  • http://www.thinkprimed.com Andrew Marshall

    What a great post, Amy! I loved this turn of phrase so much “He wanted to spend more time focusing on the real social connections in his life. He wanted to spend less time on Facebook and more time with faces and books.”

    Going cold turkey on social media is difficult for some but the benefits are universal. Certainly I don’t need to know that someone has become mayor of their bathroom. I need connection.

    First contact via social media has been great for making new acquaintances, but friends require face-to-face. I’ll try to look up and out – who knows what I might see?

  • amy

    Liza,

    What a great example. Thanks for sharing your story. I am right there with you. Having my phone in hand has become more of an ocd ritual than a conscious decision.

    My wake-up came over Christmas. I was home with my family, and my mom said “where’s your phone?” I had left it at home while we were at dinner. When I mentioned leaving it behind, my sister commented on how nice it was to have me present, not just saying “uh huh” as I tapped away on a text message. It really put things in perspective and made me stop and ask myself “One day when im old will I regret missing a tweet?” No. “Will I regret a conversation I could’ve had with my parents?” Absolutely.

    I’m cheering for you and your phone-free moments!!!

    Xo

  • Bill

    I thought your video on being alone did a beautiful job handling this subject and highlighting it can be a good thing. Keep up the good work.

  • http://www.artofchangemaking.com Nina Terol-Zialcita

    **OUCH**

    This really hit me–and it hurt.

    May I post this on my blog, with attribution of course, along with my personal reflections on the topic?

    Thank you for always coming in with just the right bit of insight when I need it most.

    ~ Nina Terol-Zialcita
    Manila, Philippines

  • Karen

    I loved this post. Thank you so much for this great reminder. It got me thinking about the numerous people I have lost touch with even though they’re on my list of friends on facebook, twitter, etc.

    I will be indulging in some much needed offline time.

    Thanks! :)

  • Cheri Allbritton

    Amen!

  • http://www.twitter.com/nomeatballs Amy

    Andrew – I totally agree. There is something about taking social media connections offline that REALLY embodies the power of social media to create and strengthen real life connections.

    Bill – Thank you for the lovely compliment. Glad you enjoyed the video.

    Nina – I am right there with you! It’s a scary (and personal) concept for those of us who spend a great deal of our waking hours using social media at work and in our personal lives – but there is balance to be found.

    Karen – Hooray for offline indulgence and being in touch with the people we love!