I regularly get lost down a proverbial rabbit hole on the Internet. I start Googling a restaurant’s hours of operation and end up watching 40 dogs-running-in-their-sleep videos YouTube (meet Bizkit here), then ordering new glasses. Sometimes these ‘trips’ are expensive and sometimes they are incredibly valuable.
Today was the latter.
This TED Talk dates back to 2010 and you may have already seen it, but it’s one I’ve never come across before and is now my favorite.
The featured speaker Brené Brown is a researcher of human connection. What a fascinating thing to consider from a scientific perspective. Her whole video is included and you should watch every charming minute, but I just wanted to share what leaped out of it for me.
Her research path (not without blood, sweat and tears) led to this concept about human connection:
Vulnerability is the core of shame, fear and our struggle of worthiness, but it also appears to be the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love.
The two ways people treat their vulnerability relate to whether or not they have a sense of worthiness. Those who believe they deserve to belong…well, they do. Our fear that we do not deserve connection is the one thing that keeps us from making connections. What a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Those without the sense of worthiness referred to their vulnerability as ‘excruciating’ and worked hard to suppress it through food, alcohol and the like.
The dilemma in trying to suppress feelings of vulnerability is that you can’t selectively numb emotions. With quieting your fears and shame, you lose your joy and gratitude. You lose your purpose.
On the other hand, she calls those who have the sense of worthiness the ‘wholehearted’ (I just love that!). They embrace their vulnerability as a beautiful and necessary attribute. They are courageous.
Courage is defined by its good ole Latin origin (in so many words): telling the story of who you are with your whole heart.
So what do we do with this besides emphatically nod our heads?
Have the courage to be your imperfect authentic self…as a brand, as a community and as a human being. You will find human connection there.
Photo from my friend Libby Williams
I’ve been struggling a bit lately.
Having just come off a long stretch of helping craft and co-author a book called The Passion Conversation, I have that sort of post angst that comes from hitting a huge milestone and finishing a fun project. It was remarkable to be able to think so intently about something I care so deeply about.
Writing for this new book actually caused me to stop and really think about my own passions, my own calling. Am I really following my passions? Oh, I have plenty that I’m passionate about.
Seeking happiness and bringing it to myself and others. Simplifying life. Living peacefully.
Somehow over the years I have learned that those pursuits make me happiest.
But sometimes I still wonder. Am I really following my passions? Is there more?
My kids are college and shortly after college age. If you have kids that age (and therefore know a bunch of kids that age) you know they get told often to follow their passions. At graduation time that’s often the advice some very wise and wonderful people hand out freely and with certainty. I’ve most likely given that same advice myself a time or two.
But what if you don’t have a passion? Yet…
I heard this NPR interview on the way in to work last week and I sat in my car in the sunshine and listened to the entire thing.:
It’s worth a listen. But it honestly left me wondering what I would tell the young man in the story (Max) who felt he didn’t have a passion to follow. My lack of a real good answer bugged me all morning. Especially in light of the book we just wrote.
Cordell and I started talking about Max and his question.
Here’s the gist of what Cordell shared with me:
I’ve met many recent college graduates who have no idea what they want to do. We’ve screwed them up by telling them to follow their passion. Passion is like love. Love is not a feeling. Love comes from doing. We have to apologize to these bright young minds and encourage them to just do something. Passion is what you discover about yourself along the way. It’s not something you just magically have. It comes from experiences. People don’t share passions. They share experiences. Stories are about something that happened to you. The passion conversations do not come from your heart first. They come from a collision with life.
Maybe that yearning for more that puzzles me at times is what keeps me excited and embracing life and all it’s many changes. Maybe they’re even more passions I have yet to unearth. That knowledge is pretty damn wonderful and magical.
And for businesses that insight is magical too.
Passion conversations, not product conversations, come from your collision with life and the stories and experiences you share with those you serve.
What do you think?
I was trying to remember the very first day we posted on this site. So I took a trip down to memory land and found this post from April 23, 2005. What I am about to share wasn’t the first post. It was the second, but I love it and we live it and it’s worth repeating:
Want to know what we love about people with their Brains on Fire?
When you’re excited and inspired, fear disappears.
– Greg Cordell
Yup. That tiny little post still rings true today. When you’re fueled with passion, excitment and inspiration, FEAR disappears.
I remember when I was first approached about the idea of a Brains on Fire blog (remember it was 2005 now — don’t judge). My first reaction was “Um, why? Tell me what and why again?”
I’m glad that Geno and Spike were so passionate about pushing the idea of us thinking out loud forward. I’m glad we did it in spite of my initial fears. So many things we do that are worth doing, we do because of passion. We ask our clients to go forward and trust passion every single day. And we don’t take their courage lightly.
So. How will you push yourself with passion today? How are you going to make this day a fearless one?
Come on. Share.
I feel like I need to re-introduce myself. It’s been over eight weeks since I’ve written here! I’ve missed you, but I’ve also really enjoyed seeing more voices from the Brains on Fire tribe think out loud on the blog.
I’ve been busy with my day job and also co-authoring (along with John Moore, Geno Church and Greg Cordell) our next book. It’s called The Passion Conversation and we’re pretty jazzed about it.
Especially now that it’s almost done!
As we went about crafting this new book, we’ve learned a lot.
A whole lot.
So I thought I would take a few minutes and share a few of the lessons we learned while writing.
1. Recording conversations is an eye-opening exercise. We recorded a lot of conversations as we wrote this book. You learn a lot about the things you needlessly repeat. Um. But more than that, you listen better when you’re listening to what you recorded. Because you’re not talking. I know this seems so obvious, but you really can’t listen all that well if you’re talking. So when you are listening, just listen. I tried really hard to say as few words as possible and you’d be surprised how much insight you can gather when you do that. A great writer (can’t remember who) said this about doing interviews of any kind: Try your best to never talk. If there is a lull, just simply say to the person, “You should talk more often…”
2. If you have customers, call them often just to talk. Or not talk. Just listen. This one needs no explanation.
3. Listen to your teammates often too. Listen to their stories. Interview them about what they are doing, what they’re learning. You’ll miss a lot of good things if you don’t do this.
4. If you have a big task in front of you, just start somewhere. You can’t do anything if you don’t get started.
5. Everyone should cut off their phones and spend three days and nights in a hotel by themselves and focus on just one thing. You’ll come out the other side a better person. I promise. I had an real AHA moment when I locked myself away in North Carolina for three days. I realized that in the grand scheme of things, even big daunting tasks (like producing a book) are small. That knowledge is so freeing. We had a lot more fun with this book than the last one and I think that simple knowledge was a big part of it. I can’t wait to see what you think about the Passion Explorations. Here’s a little sneak peek…
I really have missed you all so much. Stop in and comment and let me know what you’ve been up to! Your comments are such a gift.
Talents, strengths and weaknesses- we’ve all got ‘em. We are master jugglers of these three very unique characteristics. They make us human, after all; we simultaneously live up to them and sweep them under the rug. Funny, isn’t it?
When starting a new adventure, there are certain to be unknowns. They are intimidating. They make us pause. They make us nervous. To this I say: WHO CARES?
Push those fears aside and step up to the plate. Ask for help.
We are human, and to my knowledge, no one has a crystal ball in his possession. (But by all means, correct me if I’m wrong).
We dabble. We learn. We grow. But we cannot know it all. The beauty of teams, collaboration, brainstorming— it’s powerful and empowering.
When you say “Put me in coach, I’m ready” it might be scary. It might be new. But you don’t have to know it all. You have to raise your hand, put your pride in your back pocket, and ask for help. Down the road, someone may say to you, “Put me in coach!” How do you step up to the plate?